Originally I wasn’t really going to post a dedicated Valentine’s day post because I’m just not that into the holiday. And that’s not because I’m single and am just dreading the big day because I’m scared to be alone. I’ve just never really had a great affection with it. I definitely don’t blame people who do though, I think it’s awesome if you do celebrate it. Whether with your boyfriend or with your friends, Galentines day if you will, I think it’s wonderful to celebrate the love.
The reason why I so suddenly and last minute changed my mind (I got the idea and am writing it the day before it goes up, normally I get an idea and write something way more in advance) is because I listened to the latest episode of the Keeping it Candid podcast by Sofie Milner and Millie Cotton. In this podcast they answered 10 questions about their ex and their relationship with them. At the very end of the episode they answered a question by a listener, she wrote what she called an essay (which, I agree with Sofie and Millie, was super cool to read/hear) but basically asked the question:
Do we now not need a partner so it’s become less desirable to have one?
I once heard a quote along the lines of: “don’t be with a man because you need to be, be with a man because you want to be”
This quote is, in a nutshell, what this post is about.
We, women, used to need a man to be able to get by. Women didn’t work, couldn’t earn money, hell we couldn’t even own anything. We were completely dependent on a man. Thankfully, times have changed (because we worked damn hard to change them). Women now are able to work, we can earn our own money, we can own things and we definitely don’t have to be dependent on a man anymore. We can stand by ourselves.
So what is the point of me writing this post then? For me to tell you, as a woman to a woman, that you don’t need a man? That you can make it on your own? Yes, that’s exactly it.
But the reason I’m telling you this is not because I want no woman ever to be in a happy relationship with a man. I’m telling you this because I want women to be in a happy relationship with a man they want to be with, and not in a relationship with a man because they have to be with him.
They say it’s impossible to truly love someone if you don’t first love yourself. And I think they’re right. How are you supposed to give your love to someone else, if you don’t even have enough love for yourself?
In the day and age we live in now it’s no longer about needing a man – for financial support or anything else. It’s true that we no longer need a man, just like the girl in the podcast asked. Women don’t need men. That doesn’t mean that women don’t want men. There’s a difference.
Don’t go to someone just because you just broke up with someone else and you need comfort. Don’t go just because you think you feel alone without a man in your life. Certainly don’t go to someone because you think you might be worthless if you don’t have a man by your side. This is never ever the case.
Start a relationship because you want to. Start a relationship because you are mentally ready for it. Start a relationship because the person you want to get involved with, is someone you truly love. Make sure that if you love someone, it’s because you love him for him, and not because he ‘completes’ you in an unhealthy way.
We do indeed not need a partner, so don’t go rushing into one as if you do.
That doesn’t make it bad to want to be in a relationship though. As long as you only start one because it truly makes you happy.